Fiddleheads


Not this kind of fiddle head....



These kinds of fiddleheads. Here, amongst some wild mushrooms



I've eaten fiddleheads. There's an interesting quality about them in that they are a vegetable but it doesn't take much imagination to turn them into caterpillars. Which of course, I must do.



A curled up caterpillar

Millipede, assuming the guise of a fiddlehead

Fiddleheads are baby ferns. They're harvested when the frond has not yet unfurled and is cut close to the ground. They contain antioxidants and are a source of Omega 3 and Omega 6 and are high in iron and fibre (note: even though I got this info from Wikipedia, as soon as you see the "re" instead of the "er" you just know that writer is Canadian cuz they're all about centres and fibres and sabres and stuff)



I may be wrong but fiddleheads are an eastern US/Canada kind of dish. Maine, Quebec and the Maritime Provinces. You know, Maine may as well be a Canadian province. Do you know how often it is included in Atlantic Canadian qualities? Tides, flora, fauna, fishery issues etc. Maine is now the fifth Maritime province as far as I'm concerned. Newfoundland, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, PEI and Maine. And let's face it, including Maine in Canada totally keeps the 49th parallel pattern thing going with the border. Seriously, follow the 49th all the way east and it naturally puts Maine above the border. Just embrace it. Congratulations and welcome Maine! (Next to be assimilated: Alaska)


I like ferns any old way, but only eat the baby ones from the Ostrich Fern.



Fiddleheads flavour is difficult to describe in that I need you to have tasted other things that taste like them. So brussel sprouts and asparagus are two similar tastes. But neither are terribly fearsome looking. Fiddleheads may be tasty but be sure and eat them steamed or cooked in some way. Raw, they are bitter and slightly toxic which totally adds to their badassity.

Rape aXe, "A medieval device for a medieval deed"

Rape aXe, anti-rape device

This is a gadget designed to be worn inside the vagina and intended to be an anti-rape device. It's a female condom with 'teeth' which ensures that when the penis is inserted, it will be immediately removed with Rape aXe anchored firmly causing vengeful retribution. It is believed the criminal will then have to seek medical attention if he ever wants his dick back. Here is a website with a computer video simulating how it works.

Let's just stop a minute and define the word prevent.
  1. Keep (something) from happening or arising
  2. Make (someone or something) unable to do something
Since there has to be penetration for the device's teeth to grab the penis, it means if the device is successful, it has also failed to prevent a rape. Sure a lot can be said for watching a man grappling with a rubber sheath anchored to his dick with teeth but I would just rather not have had any contact in the first place.

There are critics who have spoken out against Rape aXe. Yes, really. Women would have to wear this constantly on the off chance that they will be raped. Also, the potential for increased violence against the victim is possible. Just me, but if you're living in a place where you feel the need to install a Rape aXe to protect yourself in case of rape at any moment, your life is probably not worth much generally speaking. And yes, it doesn't really deal with the fact that rape is not sexual. However, if a potential rape is taking place, does anyone really want a debate about the reasons why this crime is taking place? No, rape is not a sexual crime but if it's going to happen why not stick it to the dick anyway?

So obviously I'm torn about it. I hate that some women live in a society where they are forced to take this action, but I don't like that it's promoted as a rape prevention when it certainly does not prevent rape.

My idea of an anti-rape device would be something that works far away from the vagina and takes the rapists head off before he even comes near me. Sure it's messy, the man's future is canceled permanently but no rape will have taken place and there's one less dick in the gene pool. Win/win

Hsin-Yao Tseng

Trompe l'oeil is a form of art intended to fool the eye and is used to help the brain perceive that something is better than what it is. In French, it literally means "deceive the eye".

A niche. I love that word. And look, the pear, it is escaping!


I've seen examples of Trompe l'oeil in model homes decorated by builders to sell his homes. I have been known to tour a few of these for decorating ideas when I know I'm in no danger of falling into a depression after coming face to face with what I can't afford to own.



I like the whimsy of this. Yes it rendered with excruciating realism but on the other hand can liquid hang sideways on the planet Earth and not spill?
Art with a sense of humour is so appealing to me.

These trompe l'oeil examples are by Hsin-Yao Tseng. Hsin-Yao Tseng was born in Taipei, Taiwan in 1986 in Taiwan and is currently studying at the Academy of Art University, San Francisco majoring in fine art painting. He is very good.








Self portrait


Hsin-Yao Tseng, for realz

Check out his web site here.

Saw this yesterday...

Seems legit

I didn't want to do this but...

...you left me no choice

This is what populates the tenth circle of hell

Ambergris

I have begun re-reading Moby Dick or The Whale (did you know it had an alternative title?) and I knew at some point it would be mentioning ambergris so that got me thinking I would do a post on it.




Straight out of the gate ambergris was, in Herman Melville's day, both extremely valuable and hideous. Now, in our day, it's just hideous because scientists have learned to make it synthetically. Ambergris comes from the digestive systems of sperm whales. It is accumulated inside the whale and is either excreted as feces or if the chunk is too large, it is vomited out like a huge Jonah. Ambergris is found in lumps of various shapes and sizes, from half an ounce to 100 pounds or more. Fresh out of the whale's anus or gaping maw, it reeks, appropriately, of whale feces.

Perfume atomizer

So...why would scientists wish to synthesize ambergris?

After months or years of floating about in the ocean, it gradually hardens, developing a dark gray or black color, a crusty and waxy texture, and a peculiar odor that has been generally described as a vastly richer and smoother version of rubbing alcohol without its stinging harshness.

There you have a clue to its purpose. It was used as a fixative in perfumes. Who figured this out? Who was walking along the beach and found a gray or black chunk of whale vomit - vomit, if you're lucky! - and thought it would make an excellent product to use in perfumery?




I own fossilized dinosaur turds (aka coprolite) that are prettier AND they're charmingly dotted with corn. (not really with the corn)



Today, people apparently buy ambergris specimens for their...collections. I have a collection which will be remaining ambergris-free for the foreseeable future.


The above ambergris has a giant squid beak in it. The owner imagines a fight between a squid and a sperm whale and decided the whale won. Why? Because even if the squid got away it left its beak behind in the whale and so, really, what good is the squid now? I guess that's the circle of life thing.

Living Art - Alexa Meade

Painted Man on Subway

Alexa Meade is an installation artist who uses acrylic paint to make living objects appear as art in real world settings. It kind of messes with our perception. She's using paint on a real subject to make them look like a painting. It's fascinating.


Wait!! You're a painting man! You can't just leave!


Drunken Sleepy Woman...


...sitting in a gallery looking back at the people looking at her!



Fanny Pack Man with Real Camera


Woman in Blue Dress...


...posing with the artist. Notice the lower half of this model is all real world.


I would just like to have any artistic talent at all. More Alexa Meade art here.

North American House Hippo



This was on years ago on Canadian TV. I love hippos. They're responsible for more human deaths in Africa than lions. I totally wanted this to be true.

Conan O'Brien Singing

This is here to bump the Duggarnauts down. Probably everyone but me has seen this. I laughed. It's an excellent impersonation. It is an impersonation, right? The coat is totally Cadillac Ranch.


Duggarnauts


Mr Duggar and Mrs Duggar's "clown car vagina", announced the expected arrival of J-baby 20. Praise the Load.

I'm with Chez Pazienza who asks the media that it not announce Duggar pregnancies anymore. He adds that if they "started using contraception, or if one of their kids comes out with horns or something, feel free to give them a couple minutes of airtime. Until then, remember that you're the mainstream media -- not Procreation Quarterly and not a carnival barker."

We're looking at you Today Show who for some reason feels the need to be there to announce what has become, essentially, a carnival side show. Only with real, indoctrinated children.

Tourtiere - French Canadian Meat Pie


I'm doing a post about tourtiere because that's what I'm making for dinner tonight. Like soup on a cold day, tourtiere is a comfort food. I made mine with phylo pastry because I always have some on hand and I didn't feel like making pastry. So I guess mine is more like a galette, or free form pie, rather than a traditional pie.

Recipes vary from home to home but the general list of ingredients include ground pork with some ground beef or game meat to add depth to the flavour. Onions, garlic and sage (in my family) complete the seasoning. Other spices used are cloves and nutmeg. I like a tiny bit of cloves.

Always serve with potatoes, mashed and then whipped with butter and a little milk. This photo, borrowed from the internet, shows asparagus but I'm having salad.

Fake nails


Excuse me, but I think your nails are infected. You might want to get some meds for that.

My, these are practical!
Cheap crystal thingys aren't going to be falling off and contaminating anyone's food.


I have come to dislike fake nails. If you have them, I'm sure they look lovely and you take good care of them. Unfortunately, they've been ruined for me.

I can't grow fingernails. I have a job that forbids it and even if I didn't I would have to pamper my hands every moment of the day to preserve my fingernails. My nails are lovely when I have done this but I learned I cannot live that way. I need to be doing something with my hands. I can't even sit still long enough for nail polish to dry.

I work in a place that has a drive thru. We see lots of vehicles in the course of a day. We see upwards of 160 an hour some mornings. If a woman is driving it is probable that she is wearing fake nails. It's what women do around here, I guess. Sadly, I have seen too many woman who look like this:


Driving cars that look like this:


Wearing nails that look like this:


For me to EVER take fake nails seriously as a beautiful cosmetic enhancement again.

I choose life. Being able to live it and live it with credibility, that is.

Jacuzzi Tubs - Relaxing in Filth


I have a tub like this. I hate it. I'm not a hot tub fan. There are two reasons. This home was owned by other people before me and they used this tub. I don't know what non-Frimmy organisms exist behind the tub walls and no matter what methods I use to exterminate unknown microbes I can't ever be sure they're gone. So I NEVER use the jets.

Public hot tubs gross me out even more. Seriously...it may as well be called churning Human Soup Tub. I won't even get into a private hot tub unless I know the people are obsessive compulsive cleaners who live like nuns. Who am I kidding. I have never gotten into their hot tubs either.

I know there's hideous microscopic monster microbes behind my tub walls because every couple days I have to clean crap from around the chrome jets or else my tub will look like I dug it up in a post apocalyptic dungeon. Like so:

My tub doesn't look like this but it may as well because I know those filthy suckers are nearby.



I know what people do in hot tubs. Why is this water orange? This wouldn't be a bad tub to get into if the water was drained, the tub was scrubbed and sterilized and refilled with clean water and only those named John Cusack got back in. He could even wear the robe (?) but only if he laundered it first. The booze can stay.

French Word of the Day: Apropos

This flag is French and therefore apropos to our subject.

In French: À propos is an expression that means "on the subject". In French this must be followed by the word "de" or of. It is pronounced: ah pro POE.

In English it has come to mean: pertaining to, appropriate or about.

Monsieur Poirot: "But no, Madame! My picture here is not à propos for I am Belgian!"

Frimmy: "It is apropos for although you are Belgian you speak French, n'est-ce pas*?"

Frimmy - 1
Dead fictional character - 0

*N'est-ce pas, pronounced: ness PAH, is the French version of the Canadian: "eh?"

Or if it used in a sentence like so: Ceci n'est pas une pipe it is pronounced: neh PAZZ. (is not) . Interesting to note that "pipe" in French is pronounced "peep". I personally am extremely fond of peeps. The opposite is true of cigarettes. Which is the French word for 'little cigars'. Cigarettes, cigarette smoke and therefore rude cigarette smokers (because there are many very polite smokers I know) annoy the hell out of me because when I catch even the slightest whiff of cigarette smoke, I get an instant headache and feel nauseated. Also, they throw their butts on the ground like it's something they're entitled to do. WTF? Gum wrappers are litter but butts aren't? How do they figure that? If they didn't hang out in front of public entrances with their toxic clouds of headache and nausea producing smoke OR blow their smoke into my drive-thru window messing up my feeling of good health, I wouldn't care. At all. However I have been known to follow a pipe smoker around just to breathe in the intoxicating aroma of their tobacco. So it's not smoking/smokers in general that annoy me, it's just cigarettes. I just worked that out this moment. I'm glad we had this chat.


"This is not a pipe"
Is so a pipe, eh.

Actual Book or Virtual Book?

A collection of books is a possession of sublime beauty

To me, a book is an elegant thing. I love the feel of a book in my hand. I love the smell of the paper and ink. I love the texture of the pages. I love the look of a row of books sitting in a stately manner on a shelf. I even like them piled unceremoniously beside my bed because they're books! What's not to love? Not counting the bathroom, there is no place in the house for my books as items requiring electricity and which provide sports programs have priority. I'm running out of space in my room.


Oh, and I went to the book store conglomerate with a list of classics I wished to buy and they had only one of them in stock. The rest of them were available only as ebooks. Not impressed. Because of these reasons I've been thinking about an ebook reader.
Like this

I've asked around and the only person who even understood my dilemma was a lovely young Filipino man who works for us and whose dream gig, like mine, would be to work in a little book store. Everyone else I know in real life doesn't read books - and some of them are even proud of that. Or, they bought a Kindle for their grandparents. So...help me out here. From your personal experience, do you like actual books or virtual books?


I'm leaning this way

I'm going to be the Jean-Luc Picard of my day. A hold out for an actual book. Causing my peers to shake their head in wonder.


Well I don't care. Listen to Picard quote Hamlet:



Take that, Q! He got that from an actual book!
 

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