World's First Deconversion

Bill Mahar unbaptized Mitt Romney's father-in-law on his show, reversing a posthumous baptism and conversion by living Mormon relatives. This was all kinds of win in my opinion and I truly believe both ceremonies hold the same weight with 'god'. So he's as good as unconverted in my books. Especially considering who he was and what he believed while he was alive.

Mormons convert people posthumously because they're supposed to. Family, according to them, exists throughout time, and they can baptize their dead ancestors and also 'seal' them into family units, so that those non-Mormon ancestors can get the benefits of the Mormon afterlife.

Whatever.  I'd be supremely pissed if they did it to me.  So here's my living directive on the matter.  Do not even think about converting me after I die.  I will haunt you down and make your life a living hell, you self important fuckers.  There's always a hidden agenda with religion.  I'd like to know how it really benefits the church.

In the interests of full disclosure, I can't fully embrace the idea that there is no intelligent 'higher' power. If there is, I know it doesn't care about us or if it has a grand plan, it doesn't involve me. Or you. I feel this way more because I'd rather believe life began with thought and design as opposed to us evolving from monkeys. Cuz, you know, I really loathe monkeys.


Noelle said...

Absurd! I never new. Your dead how do they think this works exactly? your hanging out in the after life as a sinner in another religion and then like magic your a Mormon? Whether you want to or not. Bit pushy. Can you dispute from the grave? I'm an atheist say, a Mormon can resurrect me?

I'm thinking I should write a Bible of crazy made up shit. Sounds like Joseph Smith did. Why not? The hard part might be getting some fools to follow. OR Not?

A-Gran said...

That's some grade-A crazy shit right there. I'm torn on my thoughts. On the one hand, I feel like if it helps my children to sleep at night to fuck around with my corpse then I guess I owe it to them. On the other hand, leave me the fuck alone, you weirdos. I'd rather have them eat me to carry me around with them forever. That's less weird to me. I don't know. It's just a body and what I don't know won't hurt me, I guess. This is one to ponder.

A-Gran said...

Also, we didn't evolve from apes. We share a common ancestor. But you knew that too. I'm just showing off the one scientific fact I remembered from high school.

No wait: I know two. Water is made up of 2 molecules of hydrogen and 1 molecule of oxygen. You're welcome.

iambriezy said...

I think this is a fabulous idea. It's win/win, really. I get to be a filthy sinner and I get saved anyway! I don't see a downside.

Frimmy said...

Your everlasting soul is safe with LDS no matter what we do while we're alive...that does have a win quality about it.

Maybe I'll take back that directive.


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