Life-like Sculpture of Cat

The Granite Chowder

1.  Discover cat on bed (not my bed, I don't do beige)
2.  Take photo of cat with phone
3.  Sit phone on cat
4.  Wait approx 60 seconds for back light to dim
5.  Take picture of phone sitting on cat
6.  Compare pictures to see if the cat moved
7.  Discovers not one whisker twitched
8.  Shakes bed to see if cat is alive
9.  Gets an apathetic 'mraw', confirming life.
10. Terminates* cat with cause for not fulfilling dutes as expected from a live pet.            Again.

*terminates employment you sickos.


A-Gran said...

You have kitties on the brain today!

1) I want that comforter. That is absolutely, positively my style. I "do" beige. I am very neutral.

2) Chowder is cute and I want to pet him.

3) Why are cats so fucking lazy? They save up all their energy so they can race across the kitchen floor at 3 in the morning. Assholes.

Angie said...

Is this your penance? I think it is.

Frimmy said...

Well, I feel badly that you might think I hate cats. So yes. I am actually a cat person. I've just grown intolerant to their hair. Probably because I'm in the restaurant business and I'm freaked out I will transfer cat hair some how.

When I owned a white cat - you've seen the pic on facebook - I kept painter's masking tape at my front door and taped all the cat hair off my clothing before I left the house. I even taped the cat. He liked it. He liked being vacuumed too. I wish I could have that cat again.

Tonya said...

I vacuum Harvey. He is cool with it. Once I accidentally got his nuts stuck in the tube and he kinda looked up at me like, "Hey, is my ball sack in your vacuum?" But I turned it off and he laid back down and let me continue. Never was there a more relaxed dog than Harvey.

Tonya said...

Also, I think that cat should definitely be fired. Not following duties indeed!


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