|The Granite Chowder|
1. Discover cat on bed (not my bed, I don't do beige)
2. Take photo of cat with phone
3. Sit phone on cat
4. Wait approx 60 seconds for back light to dim
5. Take picture of phone sitting on cat
6. Compare pictures to see if the cat moved
7. Discovers not one whisker twitched
8. Shakes bed to see if cat is alive
9. Gets an apathetic 'mraw', confirming life.
10. Terminates* cat with cause for not fulfilling dutes as expected from a live pet. Again.
*terminates employment you sickos.