Sunday, September 2, 2012

Esquire's "75 Things You Don't Know About Women"

I linked to this slideshow today called "75 Things You Don't Know About Women". I thought I would read it while I waited for my meatloaf to cook and I came to this conclusion: There's no way you can know a woman by a list compiled by things other women have said.

Anyway it was interesting. Here are some examples that do not directly mention the word "clitoris".

No, it IS because we're bored or unable to tolerate it any longer

Thank you! Someone had to say it.

PMS is the female 'get out of jail free' pass to act like an asshole and blame something else. Sort of like the way Asberger's is being used by assholes to explain their assholeyness. Treat people the way you want to be treated. The End. 

I'd be saying: Hello? What the hell are you doing with my neck?

Actually, this is true. So easy to lose track of time this way, girls amirite?

Hell no we wouldn't! WTF?

If you need the seat, just put it down and get over it. It's not rocket science. And don't tell me it's inconsiderate. It goes both ways.

10 comments:

Tonya said...

1. The movie sucks and you should go watch it in the other room. I'm trying to sleep here.

2. Nobody likes baby showers, but you bored people with yours so you have to go to other peoples'.

3. I have terrible PMS and this bitch can suck it. I wish she would come and tell me there's no such thing as PMS when I'm stomach fucking my heating pad in a few weeks.

4. Correct.

5. What the fuck? We're touching up our makeup and talking about you. Mystery solved.

6. My husband's best friend is a dog.

7. I have sat down in the toilet bowl water before. It's nasty and it looks gross to leave it up. Unless you take over cleaning it, you abide by my toilet rules. The day a man takes responsibility for cleaning the toilet he gets to dictate its position.

Frimmy said...

I think PMS is real for a few women. Not real for the majority. Or rather, it's real for many - to a greater or lesser degree - but not enough to justify verbally or physically abusing a partner or children.

I've sat my butt into the cold bowl of the toilet a few times too. Urinals are for standing anyway. If a guy finds a urinal in my bathroom he can feel free to stand up and pee. Do men stand at public toilets and pee? No, they use the urinal. If their ass is on the can taking a dump, do they stand up and turn around when they have to pee? No. So sit the hell down in my house. Unless you see a urinal that is. Problem solved.

Frimmy said...

Oh also, if the guy is going to be the one cleaning the toilet and surrounding splash and spray zone, then he can pee while standing on his head and I won't care.

Tonya said...

I want to be a man. Imagine a life where it's just assumed that someone will clean your nasty shitter for the rest of your life and it will never even occur to you to thank them. What a world!

I am 43 years old and I honestly cannot remember anyone cleaning the bathroom but me since I was about 12. Over 30 years of scrubbing toilets. And does anyone thank me? Do they ever say, "Gee honey! Thanks for protecting me from terrible toilet-related diseases!" No, they do not. They consider it their due. We live in the 21st fucking century and if you want a toilet cleaned you still have to do it yourself.

I'm... sorry. I didn't realize I had Toilet Rage.

Frimmy said...

I never had a baby shower. I hate them and didn't want to subject anyone to the complete and abject boredom and discomfort of a shower. And "surprise" showers are the kind of torture I would reserve for an enemy. The only one who loves surprise showers are the ones who plan them. It's a celebration, why not celebrate it instead of keeping it secret and causing all the lying and misunderstanding.

What I had and what I host for others is a drop-in open house. Families, couples or singles are welcome. They can drop in and visit mom and baby or the bride-to-be and chat - because the group rotates and is so much smaller - have a snack and be on their way or stay if you want. The guest of honour is more relaxed and less on the spot, the other guests get to have one on one time with the guest of honour, snacks are eaten, the atmosphere is relaxed and never forced and when it's done there's very little mess because the host has been tidying as she goes. Oh, and nobody has time for childish, asinine games.

As for toilet rage, I share your anger. Years ago when the Lad's dad cleaned a toilet he announced it to me like there was some kind of gratitude in order. This is not unique to him, it's a guy thing in my experience. One time I said; "in all the years I've been cleaning toilets have I ever made it a point to mention it to you with the idea of claiming some reward or thanks?" He said he was just doing me a favour. And he was but why? Because somewhere along the line it was understood to be a woman's job and and a man's due and no thanks was ever offered for it in the history of the world. WTF? Am I supposed to say "thanks" for doing something you ought to have been doing anyway? Cleaning a toilet is doing yourself a favour.

I understand that it started out as the woman's job as years ago women stayed at home and took care of it. When women started working outside the home that did not change. Why? Now, it seems men are willing to live in life threatening filth with urine caked toilets (and urine caked surrounding floor and whatever else is within blast range of their poor aim) and it's the person who can't tolerate that that cleans up. Which is the woman a lot of the time. I know of situations where this is the opposite so I'm trying not to make generalizations here but I am anyway.

I remember after we were first married his parents came for a two hour visit. After they left and after only one visit to the bathroom by his dad, there was urine tracks down the toilet bowl, on the rim and puddled on the floor and soaking into the little rug I had there. What would a week with this man produce? He didn't give a shit, urine - if he noticed it at all - magically disappeared by itself.

Tonya said...

It makes me so angry, and you're right... it's because they don't care. I've done the "I'm not touching this house!" thing with both of my husbands and in both cases we lived in squalor until I couldn't take it anymore. I live alone right now and I still scrub my toilet daily, but at least it's MY nastiness and I don't leave the toilet seat up. Ever.

Tonya said...

I've thrown baby showers and had fun throwing them. I'm sure they were only fun for me and the mother though. Baby showers are just a thing to me. I attend them because I care about the mother to be and I want to see her enjoying her "day." Since I don't get to see her in labor and she'll be occupied after the baby is born, it's like the last time I get to really focus entirely on her. Of course, the baby shower still bores me to tears but it makes me happy to think that she's happy. I enjoyed my baby shower. I never got a lot of those "All eyes on ME!" moments and that was one of the few that I got to enjoy having attention lavished on me. After the baby's born they all shove you out of the way to get to the baby anyway. You spend 9 months as the Pregnant Princess and as soon as that baby is born they shove you right off that pedestal.

Frimmy said...

I have never been comfortable as the focus of attention. That's why I don't understand Bridezillas.

Anonymous said...

Toilets. Mr. Ann learned how to use comet and the little brush shortly after discovering his love of spicy mexican food. Need I say more.

Ann

Carly DeAntoneo said...

The joke totally just flew right over your head, didn't it?