Cork Dork Chart of Pretentious Descriptive Words

I love wine. I like it because well, I just like it. Red wine is my preference. Australian Shiraz specifically. Not because I know what the hell that means but because when I've had it we liked each other just fine.

What does this wine smell like? Wine. What does it taste like? Wine. As opposed to scotch, let's say. I'm not interested beyond that. Does it need to be analyzed?

Apparently yes. So, for those of you who are interested in assigning knowledgeable sounding descriptive words to your wine experience check this out:

I'm sitting here with my bottle of Wolf Blass Yellow Label Cabernet Sauvignon. The cap is off. I'm sniffing it and looking at the chart. It looks red and it feels liquidy. It smells fermenty ...and I'm outa here.

Allie (Hyperbole & a Half) Brosh's Book: Fall of 2013

Probably you've seen this image. It was turned into a meme.
[blank] all the [blanks]!
Hyberbole and a Half has been on my list of worthy websites since I started this blog. 

I don't think I've laughed as much as I did reading her posts about everyday things. Like her slightly retarded dog, who doesn't understand the simplest of concepts and who she fears thinks in geometric shapes.

It's more than the story it's the crazy, awesome yet rudimentary cartoons she draws to go with these stories. How does she nail the dog's panic, or someone ineffectually running away from lava in swimming flippers so perfectly using, what? Paint?

With no will of my own I jumped on the Allie wagon with everyone else and laughed a lot, creeping on her past posts and falling in love with her alot. I found her long after she started and only got to know her a little.

...and she's pretty damn gorgeous on top of everything else

Anyone who follows Hyperbole and a Half knows she announced a book way back in May of 2011 and then....nothing.

She followed this announcement with a heart-breaking and insightful post about depression six months later. It rang crystal clear with anyone who has suffered from the debilitating affects of depression and inspired only sympathy among her followers.

She updated everyone under her tubemonster profile on Reddit last year. She was struggling to get better and was optimistic.

Recently, Touchstone books has announced in various places including tumblr that the book will be published in the fall of this year and included a picture for us.

In case we didn't believe

Allie's book entitled; Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, Mayhem, and Other Things That Happened is out this fall.

The book will contain roughly 50% new material. The other 50% will be posts I’ve published on this site already, but some of the posts that did not previously contain illustrations will be illustrated. It will be basically just like my blog in book-form (illustrated short stories, guides, etc.), but it will have at least an attempt at an organizational structure, probably.

I'm very happy and relieved she was able to bounce back enough to get the book finished. I check her blog semi-regularly to see if anything has been updated and every few months I google her. I totally missed the book announcement which happened back in March. 

Depression might end up being something she battles for the rest of her life, or this might be a terrible, but temporary glitch. It doesn't matter. I missed her alot. I laughed with her alot. And I'm alot glad she's back.

The alot is better than you at everything

Confessions: When You Were a Kid...

Here's a funny meme going around. Funny because it brought back a lot of memories.

Actually, this is a proven scientific fact. What...? It is!

Do you remember some of your mixed up kid ideas of what was really going on in the world? I used to think songs on the radio were played by tiny bands hidden somewhere in the dash of the car. Of course that was when I was really little. So little I could stand on the hump on the floor of the back seat and my head didn't touch the roof of the car. Then I learned about radio stations. After that I believed the bands were at the radio station playing the songs we were listening to. Then I learned about recordings and that was the beginning of my disappointment with the world and how it really isn't very magical.

When my mother thought I was ready for The Talk she told me that babies came about when women and men lie close together. I couldn't understand how any transfer of seeds to eggs could happen like that so I pressed for more information but got nowhere. It was "special" and "sacred". Riiiiight. So naturally, I assumed some kind of magic occurred. Apparently she felt leaving out the essential detail, leaving me completely ignorant, was worth it for her comfort level. So my childish brain extrapolated from that, that somehow it was "nearness" that got women pregnant. So, from then on wherever I was, in the park, at the beach, in theaters, I was petrified women were getting pregnant due to their close proximity to men.

I had to figure it out for myself and that was before the internet. So, I relieved my mother of her heavy responsibility to educate her daughters by giving them heinous misinformation. God help couples if they actually enjoyed themselves while getting pregnant, that's not what sex was for! My mother's idea of sex turned out to be very similar to Margaret Atwood's description in The Handmaid's Tale, except without the onlookers and the lights on. Sterile and perfunctory and without joy. So, I tuned my sisters in. Being the oldest and having already unlearned what I had been told, I felt I could save them the stress and horror of my mother's idea of what was supposed to go on in the private lives of men and women. They all went on to have no children, so well done Frimmy!

Yeah, or else what was the point of having the key?

When adults pretended to take your nose, did you believe it? Did you think your face would freeze in contorted expressions? Or if you swallowed seeds a watermelon would grow in your tummy? Or that your creepy uncle was actually taking his finger off? My dad used to threaten us with his keys. He'd say he was going to unlock our belly buttons and then our legs would fall off and then we'd have to bum around. Well played, dad. When I got older I once told him that puns were the lowest form of humour and he laughed because nobody goes for the pun unless they're hoping for a huge groan.

What did you think was really going on when you were a kid?

Kevin McShane Draws Himself 100 Different Ways

Miss Cellania over at Neatorama posted about this recently and I thought it was kind of cute. Kevin McShane drew himself 100 different ways in the style of 100 different cartoonists.

Kevin McShane

Kevin McShane's web site is here. I included the obvious ones, some of whom do not need captions, but check out the cartoons I didn't include here because there are a lot more, although I didn't notice a Georges Remi (Hergé) version, tell me if you found one. He says it took him about two years to complete this series.

He says he's a cartoonist, designer, actor, film maker, photographer and "a dozen other things what won't impress" us either. Well, nothing sexier than a self-deprecating sense of humour, eh?

Seth MacFarlane - Family Guy

Parker & Stone - South Park
Tom Ruegger - Animaniacs

Max Fleischer - Popeye
Van Partible - Johnny Bravo

Jim Davis - Garfield & Friends

 Joe Casey & Joe Kelly - Ben Ten

Terry Gilliam - Monty Python

Back to Normal Soon - Rejoice!

Here are some sad stats for you to analyze

Recently, the post about mutant flowers received a lot of hits when someone at Tumblr, someone from this Finnish site and someone named The Frogman linked to it. We are a tiny blog here at Frimmbits. We like it that way. I do this for fun because I am compelled to write but lack the imagination to generate my own original material. I'm happy with that. It serves a purpose and keeps me out of the bars trolling for victims. I never started this to make money.

I get few hits here and a lot of them bounce away almost immediately. I'm good with that. I work with a person who shares my name and office at one of the restaurants I co-manage. We often have interesting chats. I've considered doing some posts entitled "Chatting: With The Two Frimmys" but we have the kind of conversations that only work if you were there. We talk about stuff like the nuance of difference between the word "impotent" and "futile". (which arose from a conversation with someone else). Or what spiritual journey was indicated by the story of Jonathan Livingston Seagull and how "spiritual journeys" aren't necessarily what I want to be reading about. Ever. I told her about the pig in the snake stats which, at the time, had just entered the snake and there was no indication it would stop. I said I was freaked out about it.

Aww...Allie :(

I said if it continued, I would start feeling pressured to perform if I knew actual real numbers were hitting this place. I said I wondered if that's why Allie Brosh from Hyperbole And a Half stopped posting. She's a recluse now, and suffers from depression. She laughed - she has the greatest laugh, really deep and bellyful - and said I was suffering from performance anxiety and to just keep doing what I was doing because I liked it. She's also told me I'm insecure and to stop saying I'm NOT a writer because clearly I am. OK. That's why I keep her around.

Soon the pig in the snake will have worked its way through the week and my bars will be back within normal ranges. It's a strange thing when someone finds a post you've done and thinks to link back to you.

This mutant daisy image has been making the rounds as an example of the horrors we can expect from nuclear accidents, specifically Fukushima Daiichi in Japan which included a series of meltdowns and radiation leaks after the tsunami of March 11, 2011. Speculation abounds about the ramifications of said disaster. You know, the things 'they' aren't telling us about. People who don't bother to check with Snopes before forwarding this crap and who would rather believe everyone else's BS conspiracies. The ones who would rather believe microwaved super heated water is dangerous and provide 'proof' of this danger by showing faked research. Those people.

This daisy's uniqueness comes from a genetic mutation known as fasciation. It's kind of common as I was trying to explain in the post. So, I'm happy to say that I contributed to debunking the crazies for approximately a few thousand people at least. Several things point to this being false, the first one being the photo has been around much longer than the Fukushima Daiichi disaster. Second, if this mutant flower IS the result of nuclear damage, why is the other flower perfectly  normal?

It's better than being linked to this post for getting someone's name wrong, but in my defense I don't care enough and it should be stated that any post where I'm talking about someone's hotness is pure frivolity and not to be taken seriously. Except the Swinton. I'm deadly serious about her.

Little Picture Dump

Something about those eyes...
He's got 'eyes' tattooed on his eyelids. I'm sure he'll never regret that

iphone phone

RDJr + monkeys

A little hot, I think

Hippos are cute. Pygmy hippos are cuter. Baby pygmy hippos?
God, did the word "squee" almost escape my lips?

This makes me so...happy
Spike! Nuts! Slam! Squash!

Stay - Rihanna (Live Version SNL)

Mi ear worm es su ear worm - Part II

I keep hearing this song at work and today I used SoundHound to figure out who it was because, I'm behind everyone by a half century on these things and I can't ever hear the DJ when he introduces it. SoundHound did its thing and boom! Rihanna. No. Way. Oh well. So, I looked it up and yeah, only about 120 billion views between all the versions I saw and it confirms I'm a caveman. This is the only one I could get to play here, but the official video is all Rihanna in the bathtub. Who wants to see that?

I like this song. It's the piano. I like that she sounds really good virtually unaccompanied. I like that she's feeling it. See the scar at the corner of her mouth? Has she always had that, or is that recent? Or are they piercings because they're on both sides of her mouth? I don't see her enough to know.

Blue Fungi and Other Interesting 'Shrooms

I landed on an interesting page of images of strange and beautiful fungi the other day and thought I'd feature some of them here.

Indigo Milk Cap

[photo: cotinis]

[photo: Alan Rockafeller]

Lactarius indigo, also known as the indigo milk cap grows naturally in eastern North America, East Asia, and Central America; it has also been reported from southern France.

The milk, or latex, that oozes when the mushroom tissue is cut or broken is also indigo blue, but slowly turns green upon exposure to air. Oozes blue then turns green. Is that not the most awesome thing you've ever heard?

[photo: Dan Molter]

The cap is typically between 5 to 15 cm (2 to 6 in) broad, and the stem 2 to 8 cm (0.8 to 3 in) tall by 1 to 2.5 cm (0.4 to 1.0 in) thick. It is an edible mushroom, and is sold in rural markets in Mexico, Guatemala, and China. [wiki]

[photo: speakfreely]
I love blue things.

Golden Jelly Fungus
[photo: Lucarelli]
Tremella mesenterica also known as yellow brain, golden jelly fungus, yellow trembler, and witches' butter is a common jelly fungus.

The gelatinous, orange-yellow fruit body of this fungus, which can grow up to 7.5 cm (3.0 in) diameter, has a convoluted or lobed surface that is greasy or slimy when damp. It grows in crevices in bark, appearing during rainy weather. Within a few days after rain it dries into a thin film or shriveled mass capable of reviving after subsequent rain

It doesn't escape my notice that the word "gelatinous" has been used here at Frimmbits HQ twice in the last week.

[photo: Anna/All Thoughts Work Outdoors]

Yellow jelly fungus is widely distributed in temperate and tropical regions that include Africa, Asia, Australia, Europe, North and South America. Although considered bland and flavorless, the fungus is edible [wiki]

Stinkhorn Fungus
[photo: Lon & Queta]

[photo: kjbeath]

Aseroe rubra, also known as the anemone stinkhorn, sea anemone fungus and starfish fungus, is common and widespread and recognizable for its foul odour of carrion and its sea anemone shape when mature. 

Like you couldn't tell it stunk the moment you looked at it.

Found in gardens on mulch and in grassy areas, it resembles a red star-shaped structure covered in brownish slime on a white stalk. It attracts flies, which spread its spores.

For something so common, I've never seen one before. *reads* Oh, it's common in Australia

[photo: Noah Siegel]
But wait, there's more!

It begins as a partly buried whitish egg-shaped structure 3 cm (1¼ in) in diameter, which bursts open as a hollow white stalk with reddish arms erupts and grows to a height of 10 cm (4 in). It matures into a reddish star-shaped structure with six to ten arms up to 3.5 cm (1½ in) long radiating from the central area. These arms are deeply divided into two limbs. 

The top of the fungus is covered with dark olive-brown slime or gleba, which smells of rotting meat. There is a cup-shaped volva at the base that is the remnants of the original egg. [wiki]


[photo: RachelB/Project Noah]

The Wrinkled Peach
[image: Dan Molter]

[image: Dan Molter]

Rhodotus palmatus, also known as netted Rhodotus, the rosy veincap, or the wrinkled peach is found in eastern North America, northern Africa, Europe, and Asia; declining populations in Europe have led to its appearance in over half of the European fungal Red Lists of threatened species. Typically found growing on the stumps and logs of rotting hardwoods, it is declining in numbers in Europe and is on their Red list of threatened species.

It is not toxic but because of its bitter taste it is classified as inedible. [wiki]

[image: Dan Molter]
[image: Dan Molter]

Violet Coral
[photo: here]

[photo: Mark Steinmetz]

Clavaria zollingeri, commonly known as the violet coral or the magenta coral produces striking tubular, purple to pinkish-violet fruit bodies that grow up to 10 cm (3.9 in) tall and 7 cm (2.8 in) wide.

It has a widespread distribution, and has been found in Australia, New Zealand, North America, South America, and Asia. In North America, the distribution is restricted to the northeastern regions of the continent. It seems to have no special powers. [wiki]

[image: Dan Molter]

Pixie's Umbrella
[photo: Lorraine Phelan]

Mycena interrupta, commonly known as the pixie's parasol, is a species of mushroom. It has a Gondwanan distribution pattern.

Gondwanan, you say? Why yes. It's a *sniff* paleogeographical reference. Means when earth consisted of Pangea, Gonwana was the Southern of the two super-continents.  Laurasia was the other one.

So Pixie's umbrellas exist in parts of New Zealand, Australia, New Caledonia and Chili.

So why did the writer of the wiki article decide to explain this mushroom's range by saying it was Gondwanan? I have no idea but if you have to explain your explanation you're trying to hard. [wiki]

[photo: Lorraine Phelan]

[photo: Steve Axeford]

How can you not look at these little blue fungi and not love them just because they're blue?! I don't even care if the caps are often sticky and appear slimy looking, particularly in moist weather. Or that they ooze out of the earth in little slimy balls called globose. They're blue!

[photo: Bev Pascoe]


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